Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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