I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
