I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
