Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
