In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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