This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
