i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize