god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
