We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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