Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Your penis caused this!
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