I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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