And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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