Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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