Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
