dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We talked him into tasing himself.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
