Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The air was thick with penises
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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