I think i sorta joined a cult last night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
