you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
