So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
