yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize