shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
