When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
