There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
