he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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