wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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