Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
