I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize