WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
