Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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