I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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