one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
