and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
