a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Randomize
