Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
