Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
