so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
