you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize