Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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