dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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