your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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