i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
