How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
