She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize