We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
