I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
