He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
