Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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