The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
