I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
third nipple confirmed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
