FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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