Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
