Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
