Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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