the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
