I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
