I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize