theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I touched a dick in church today
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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