He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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