I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
