some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
