Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
