She's JV to your varsity
Pants 0. Shit 1.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
