We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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