A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
