Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize