We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
