he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
