WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize