If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
