All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
